Oversharing: Why We Do It & How To Stop

Hey everyone! Ever found yourself rambling on about something super personal to someone you barely know? Or maybe you’ve scrolled through social media and thought, "Wow, that's way too much information!" If so, you're definitely familiar with the concept of oversharing. It's something we've all probably done at some point, whether consciously or not. But what exactly is oversharing, why do we do it, and more importantly, how can we pump the brakes when we realize we're doing it?

What Exactly is Oversharing?

Oversharing, at its core, is revealing an excessive amount of personal information, often in an inappropriate context or to an audience that doesn't need or want to know. This can happen in person, like unloading your entire relationship history on a first date, or online, like posting every detail of your daily life on social media. It's that feeling you get when you've said too much, too soon, and you see that slightly uncomfortable look on the other person's face. We have all been there, right guys?

Think about it this way: everyone has a personal boundary, a line that separates what they're comfortable sharing from what they consider private. Oversharing crosses that line, making others feel awkward, uncomfortable, or even overwhelmed. It’s about context, audience, and the nature of the information itself. What might be perfectly acceptable to share with a close friend could be completely inappropriate to discuss with a coworker or a casual acquaintance.

And, the digital age has definitely amplified the potential for oversharing. Before social media, our personal lives were largely confined to our immediate circles. Now, with a few taps on our phones, we can broadcast our thoughts, feelings, and activities to hundreds, even thousands, of people. This ease of access has blurred the lines of what's considered private and public, leading to a rise in unintentional oversharing. You may want to keep things a bit more private and secure in the future.

Why Do We Overshare?

So, why do we do it? What compels us to spill our guts, sometimes to complete strangers? There are actually several underlying reasons that drive this behavior.

• Seeking Validation and Connection: At the heart of it, we're all wired for connection. We crave to be seen, heard, and understood. Sharing personal information can feel like a shortcut to intimacy, a way to quickly build rapport with others. When we reveal something vulnerable about ourselves, we hope to elicit empathy, support, and validation. We want to know that we're not alone in our struggles and that others care about what we're going through. This desire for connection is especially strong when we're feeling lonely, isolated, or stressed. Social media platforms often play into this need, offering instant gratification in the form of likes, comments, and shares. This positive reinforcement can be addictive, encouraging us to share more and more in pursuit of that fleeting feeling of validation.
• Emotional Release: Sometimes, oversharing is simply a way to vent, to get something off our chests. When we're feeling overwhelmed by emotions, talking about it can be incredibly cathartic. It's like releasing a pressure valve, allowing us to alleviate some of the emotional burden. However, when we're in this state, we may not always be thinking clearly about who we're sharing with or the potential consequences of our words. We might blurt out things we later regret, simply because we needed to release those emotions in the moment. It’s very important to ensure you are in a safe and comfortable environment when trying to release emotions.
• Attention-Seeking: Let's be honest, sometimes we overshare because we want attention. It could be positive attention, like wanting to be seen as interesting or unique, or negative attention, like wanting to elicit sympathy or concern. In either case, the motivation is to draw focus to ourselves. This behavior can stem from a deep-seated need to feel important or valued. When we don't feel like we're getting enough attention in our lives, we may resort to oversharing as a way to fill that void. Social media has unfortunately become a place to receive attention, both positive and negative.
• Lack of Social Awareness: Believe it or not, some people simply don't realize they're oversharing. They may lack social cues, have difficulty reading people's reactions, or be unaware of social boundaries. This can be particularly true for people with certain personality traits or conditions, such as those on the autism spectrum or those with ADHD. They might not intend to make others uncomfortable, but they simply haven't developed the social skills to navigate these situations effectively. It is best to be self-aware and to understand if you could be one of these people.
• Insecurity: Insecurity can also drive oversharing. When we're feeling insecure about ourselves, we may try to compensate by revealing personal information, hoping to impress others or gain their approval. We might share our accomplishments, our possessions, or our relationships in an attempt to prove our worth. However, this often backfires, making us appear needy or desperate. This behavior usually comes from a deeper insecurity that you must overcome to avoid the oversharing.

The Consequences of Oversharing

Oversharing might provide temporary relief or gratification, but it can also have some serious consequences.

• Damaged Relationships: Consistently oversharing can strain relationships. People may start to feel uncomfortable around you, avoid you, or even lose respect for you. It can erode trust and make it difficult to form meaningful connections. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly unloading their personal problems or broadcasting every detail of their lives. Friends and family may eventually want to create distance if you are a constant oversharer.
• Professional Setbacks: Oversharing in the workplace can have dire consequences for your career. Sharing inappropriate details about your personal life can damage your reputation, make you appear unprofessional, and even jeopardize your job. Employers want employees who are discreet, reliable, and able to maintain appropriate boundaries. It is extremely important to remain professional while at work.
• Safety and Privacy Risks: Oversharing online can put you at risk of identity theft, stalking, and other forms of harassment. Sharing too much personal information makes you an easy target for scammers and cybercriminals. It's important to be mindful of what you post online and to protect your privacy by adjusting your social media settings accordingly. You should take your online safety very seriously and be sure to take all of the necessary steps to ensure your safety.
• Regret and Embarrassment: Perhaps the most common consequence of oversharing is simply feeling regret and embarrassment afterward. That sinking feeling when you realize you've said too much, revealed too much, or crossed a line. This can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and a reluctance to engage in social situations. It’s an awful feeling, and one we’d all like to avoid.

How to Stop Oversharing

Okay, so you recognize that you have a tendency to overshare. What can you do about it? Here are some practical tips to help you curb the habit:

• Practice Self-Awareness: This is the first and most important step. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Ask yourself why you're sharing something. Are you seeking validation? Are you trying to impress someone? Are you simply trying to vent? Once you understand your motivations, you can start to make conscious choices about what you share. It is very important to be aware of your actions so you can catch yourself when oversharing.
• Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Decide what information you're comfortable sharing with different people in your life. What's okay to share with a close friend? What's okay to share with a coworker? What's okay to share online? Once you've set these boundaries, stick to them. Do not waver and allow yourself to become vulnerable to oversharing.
• Think Before You Speak (or Post): This seems obvious, but it's crucial. Before you share something personal, take a moment to pause and consider the potential consequences. Is this information appropriate for the context? Is it something that the other person needs to know? Will it make them uncomfortable? If you're unsure, err on the side of caution and keep it to yourself. Taking a moment to pause is a great way to stop yourself from oversharing.
• Listen More Than You Talk: Oversharing often stems from a desire to be heard. But sometimes, the best way to connect with others is to simply listen. Focus on being present in the conversation, asking questions, and showing genuine interest in what the other person has to say. You might be surprised at how much more connected you feel when you're truly listening. Letting the other person speak and listening will also allow you to gather your thoughts and avoid blurting things out.
• Find Healthy Outlets for Your Emotions: If you're using oversharing as a way to release emotional tension, find healthier outlets for your feelings. Talk to a therapist, journal, exercise, or engage in a hobby that you enjoy. There are plenty of ways to process your emotions without burdening others with your personal information. It's important to find a healthy outlet so you can get your emotions under control.
• Limit Social Media Use: Social media can be a breeding ground for oversharing. If you find yourself constantly sharing too much online, consider taking a break from social media or adjusting your privacy settings. Be mindful of what you're posting and who can see it. Social media may be a large catalyst for your oversharing problem, so stepping back could be very beneficial.
• Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling to control your oversharing tendencies, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can help you identify the underlying causes of your behavior and develop coping strategies. Sometimes, oversharing is a symptom of a deeper issue, such as anxiety, depression, or a personality disorder. Talking to a professional can provide valuable insight and support. Do not be afraid to ask for help, it can be very beneficial to you and your relationships.

Oversharing is a common behavior that can have negative consequences for our relationships, our careers, and our safety. By practicing self-awareness, setting boundaries, and finding healthier ways to cope with our emotions, we can curb the habit and build stronger, more meaningful connections with others. So, next time you find yourself about to spill your guts, take a deep breath, pause, and ask yourself: is this really something I need to share? And remember, sometimes, the best things are left unsaid.